I love this. “Don’t feed the trolls.” Yes, no action, INaction is acceptance. I was once the object of a certain group of people on social media for a poem I wrote. They went after me ferociously, on every form of media they could find me. I didn’t bother telling them they were being “rude” or “trolls,” because they knew exactly what they were doing.

So I agree with you, however, when the intent and motivation of the individual troll or, in my case group of trolls, is to simply be rude and bully, personally, I have to decide if my time and energy is worth it. Now, if someone disagrees in a…DISagreeable way, I can work with that. That’s worthy of a discussion. However, If their intent is to merely poison the well, then I turn their spigot off, filter, and block.

You know, I don’t think there is a line between rudeness and bullying, Linda. They are different patterns of the same snake. If a person bullies you once, it’s a bad experience. If a person is rude to you once, it’s a bad experience. If it’s recurrent, both, then it is emotional abuse, period.

My daughter is a teacher’s aide at a school for special needs kids. My daughter had a TBI, and epilepsy, and it’s impaired her functioning, mostly on a social level, and w/r/t her ability to remember things, despite earning her AA at the local university. Some of the teachers at her work regularly taunt her, “all in good fun,” about her lack of short-term memory. It has made for a hostile working environment for my daughter. They are hardly the typical definition of “bully” and aren’t outright “rude.” But there it is. They still attempt to make her feel small, and she struggles with it, daily.

I was thinking this week about the “virtue” of honesty (come with me, here, I do have a point ;) There are people who are rude, who are (another word for rude) “blunt,” and when they hurt other people’s feelings, they protest and say, “Hey, I’m just being honest.” My response to that is this:

Being “blunt” is not the same as being honest.

Bluntness has underpinnings of hostility,

masquerading

as the virtue of truth.

Being honest and kind are not mutually exclusive.

Back to your post about not ignoring rudenss and bullying: I have a friend who used to say “It’s our job to teach other people how to treat us.” I disagree. You don’t change people. If they mistreat you, that’s on them, and your response to them is what defines you, and ultimately, if they continue, or they move on. I think it’s our job to know how we want to be treated, and then, as your article says so well, put a stop to bad behavior by letting people who cross the line that it’s unacceptable. Thank you again for sharing your words and thoughts. — ja