I love this article SO HARD. My husband and I used to have…a little conflict over his constant phone attachment. We don’t anymore, because it’s his deal, not mine. He needs to decide how much he wants to be on his phone. Mostly, he’s on it for books. So — get this — he has THREE phones. Yeah. All for books, only one is for books AND calls, internet, etc.

So, he wears a Bluetooth around his neck because he’s constantly listening to audiobooks, which is fine, but this is what’s funny: I’ll hug him, and the Bluetooth will vibrate and a female voice — OMG, I’m laughing as I write this — a FEMALE voice comes on to tell him he’s been “disconnected from [his device…].” And as I hug him, she drones on and on…vibrating the whole time, as if it’s trying to “shake me” off. Haha now, I realize I’m anthropomorphizing the Bluetooth. The point?

When I hear the voice, feel the vibrating, it actually DOES act like an electric prod. My thought is always, yeah, he’s been disconnected... So, I don’t hug him as much. I don’t. It’s…not a good feeling to me. So… I just realized the effect it has on me, as I’m writing this. Yikes. I hope he doesn’t read the comments. Kidding.

Also, it’s weird having someone walking around the house, or in the next room, and when you call out to them they can’t hear you; they don’t respond. You have to physically walk into the room, and YELL. And I think that is fundamentally effed up. I do. Especially with my kids when they were teens, having to physically touch them to get them to disconnect from their tech, whatever it was.

Sitting together and reading a book in bed is intimate — to me, anyway. Especially if you’re reading the same book. You can stop, share, talk, discuss. When we’re watching a show, whether its us, or me and my kids, I can see their phones in my peripheral vision, and it IS distracting. They are in their own little worlds, and suddenly…I might as well be sitting there alone. I leave my phone upstairs when I go to read, whatever it is, unless I’m using the timer or alarms are set.

My brothers-in-law are all the same as my husband. We’ll be at a family gathering, and someone will say, “What was the name of…” or some UNKNOWN will be brought up. Then, wham! All the guys pull out their phones, like a “scripture chase” in church, only it’s who can use the best Google search term to get the answer the fastest. It’s unreal. Do we really, really need to know the whatever it is, to continue the discussion? NO. We DO NOT.

One thing I always do when I go places where I might have to wait…I bring my Kindle. Now, I have to use a Kindle, because I’ve got a neurological condition which affects my eyesight. I cannot SEE regular print in books. The Kindle I have has been discontinued, but it’s a big DX, with no back-lit screen, no light, and the only Internet access is to the Kindle store to download more books. I refuse to use my phone to “entertain” myself. The reason is simple:

I notice that with increased “screen-time,” I feel less satisfied and happy with my day, life, etc. The research bears this out. So for me, taking “phone breaks” is easy. If there’s an emergency, the kids call my husband. But… “emergencies” have changed. Notice? The immediacy of a response is vital to today’s younger generation re: their parents’ availability.

I remember when I’d call my mom and dad’s house, and the phone rang, and rang… THEY WERE NOT HOME. It did not mean they didn’t care about me, or didn’t love me, for God’s sake. I had to DEAL with not reaching them, and it didn’t vex me, because sometimes, gee…people were not HOME. Then, the answering machine: “Hi Mom and Dad, it’s me. Just wanted to say ‘Love you and hi.’ Call me when you can.” You know?

Now, it’s, “Well, since you NEVER answer your phone, my texts, you NEVER comment on my social media whatevers…” Yah. That’s because I don’t LOOK at your social media whatevers. Sorry. And I’ll text or call you back at my convenience, not yours, especially when you are the one asking me for the favor!

OMG. I think I’m channeling John Franzen. Oh dear.

Okay, one last rant/pet peeve, and this is directed at MY family. My siblings, hunched over their phones — we’re talking my siblings, all in their 50's and 60's, okay? And they are scrolling through grandchildren photos, while people huddle around. But here’s what’s funny — the “huddlers” aren’t really looking at the other sibling’s photos, they’re scrolling on their OWN phones for grand kid photos to show THEM. Holy SHIT! Seriously?

People, go home and look on your family's’ social media pages if you’re dying to see your grand-nieces and nephews. When we’re all there, in the same room…why can’t we all just LOOK at each other and have a conversation? I mean, really.

And THAT is the benefit of going blind. “Sorry, can’t see. Phone’s too small. I’m sure she’s adorable. Tell me about her.”

I wrote a play that was produced locally, about how technology has affected or intimate relationships. It’s called The Waiters. I’d really like to see it produced again because I feel it’s relevant and timely and important, and everyone who saw it felt the same. Well, according to the reviews and feedback. I’m sure some people didn’t care for it.

“The Waiter” is the only constant character, played by the same actor, and he comments throughout each scene as three different couples in three different restaurants clash, misapprehend, and misunderstand, all due to technology. He introduces himself thus:

“I’m a waiter. I wait. The people I wait on, wait. In the past they waited for the screech-hiss of the modem. Now, the connection is instantaneous.

“We sit together and order what our appetites crave, but all of our other desires, our real desires, sit between us; unspoken, unacknowledged and unfulfilled. And so we wait.”

In his final “soliloquy,” after the third act, he says:

“We forget that true connection requires… waiting. Yet no one connects. The one thing I cannot do is connect them.

Instead, we live in a world where our faces constantly turn down, instead of toward the sun…and toward each other.

We keep past flames lit and burning when the ashes should have long ago turned cold. It’s easier to look into each other’s News Feed than into each other’s eyes.

But when the phone is finally off, the computer silenced, the lights dimmed and the hum of solitude is upon us, all we hear is a mere echo of the invisible tethers that hold us together. We are terrified of the silence.

Our emojis, emoticons, ‘Likes’ and cyber ‘pokes’ wash over us: waves in an utterly silent ocean of our own making. We all wait to be returned to dry ground, with the sky above us and the earth solidly at our feet, yet we never swim ashore.

I have hope that one day — as I wait — I’ll see two faces looking into one another’s eyes, while two hearts beat in real time — together. I think it’s possible, if we just take the time — no, make the time — to truly connect. Until then?

I wait.”

—Excerpt from the stage play, The Waiters,© by J.A. Carter-Winward. All rights reserved.

I don’t mean to hijack the thread, apologies, but dang…as I re-read it…I wrote the play a few years back, and it’s even more true today than ever.

So thank you for indulging me and allowing me to share. :) Also, thank you for this great article, and for letting me vent!

Peace to you and much luck with the book.