Well, I’m always happy when I see your name pop up in my inbox, Linda :) Yes, “brutal honesty.” The other day, I got the idea equivalent of an ear-worm song in my head, only rather than a tune, it was a concept. I confess, I have been one of those people who confused honesty with being blunt and brutal. I also confess it was a way, albeit a passive-aggressive way, of conveying anger, along with my “oh-so-important” opinion.

So I ran to my bedside table (wrapped in a towel, after my thought-swirling shower) and wrote about 20 permutations on the concepts of “bluntness v. honesty,” and “bluntness v. honesty and kindness,” etc. The same thing, over and over, said in so many different ways, all with a slightly different nuance.

I have not read the book, but I, too suffered an injury to the brain — not a stroke, rather, but a TBI in 1996. I have not been the same, not for the better, and yet not for the worse, either, being a lemonade maker w/r/t the lemons of life. Since then, I too have a very eerie ability to sense people’s emotions and feelings — “energy, if you will, although I dislike the “New Agey-spiritual” attributes attached to the word.

I have been accused, by the superstitious, of being psychic. Even today, there are a group of constriction workers in NYC that believe one day, four years ago, they met a dyed-in-the-wool, shit-you-not psychic after meeting me on the steps outside an office building, eating lunch on a mild spring day.

Others with a more grounded view, simply refer to me as “spooky.” :)

I am neither (okay, maybe spooky): I am a writer. We both know the power of The Word. The Word creates, and destroys. An avid reader of neuroscience books myself, I learned from the excellent words of Sam Harris in his book, Free Will, that it is not thought that begets feeling, that generates action. It is not thought followed by action. In fact, most, if not all of the time, feelings come first, thoughts collate and coalesce to explain and justify the feeling, and action is done without thought, but from procedural, unconscious memory, or muscle memory, and thought follows, a split nano-second later, to fit the actions into a construct.

The point? Feelings, unconscious and procedural memory are “driving the bus,” 85% of the time. The other 15% of our conscious mind arrogantly assumes its at the wheel, when in fact, it’s on a go-cart, white-knuckled and intent on holding onto the bumper of that determined bus. Our feelings mostly determine our thoughts, and combined, they may become action. No war has ever started without first feelings and thoughts, and then of course, The Word. “Pen mightier than the sword”? The words of pacifist, Edward Bulwer-Lytton, but in today’s world, this phrase has meaning upon meaning beyond “talking it out” to avoid violence.

The written word has historically incited actual violence, rather than mitigated it. And the old adage, “Sticks and stones…” WELL. Ask any survivor of domestic violence about the broken bones. They may still show on an x-ray, a bright, jagged trail leading to a horrific memory, but the words her abuser used, they leave marks that even she is unable to find and heal without much work and excavation.

As an aside, the words of books many deem “holy” have incited unspeakable acts. I am reeling today, as I was yesterday and the day before, after the loss of one of my dearest friends in London. The man driving the car, obeying words, words that fueled already-existing feelings, which turned into thought, and then into a horrific action. No. I never underestimate the power of words. I wrote a tribute to him on my site, if you’d care to read.

Thank you for the book recommend — it’s downloaded and ready for my eyes, mind, and feelings — or, perhaps, the other way around. Peace —