Wow, it takes a lot to not only write all that down, but be so open with your normal sexual urges that were pathologized, not only by the religion, but by society in general, now. If I had a nickel for every ex-husband who has the "porn addict" label... my current husband and I met because of pornography. Well, my novel about it.
See, I was actually married to one at the time. There is a HUGE difference between someone who compulsively looks are porn because of a billion socio-cultural factors, and an actual addict. So my husband and I had a blog war/argument about the veracity of porn addiction, because he, too, carried the label and he is not an addict. My book (I'm not remarkably proud of it, it was a small publisher in MD that had no editor so the book is a cringe-y read) was about Mormons, sex, porn, you know, the usual. Oh, and Postum, too. :)
The point? Your story here reads like every story I've heard from every man I've ever met w/r/t "Mormon sex-guilt." I know because I interview men all the time to inform my work as a literary novelist. I write a lot about the male sexual psyche for some reason, maybe because the world around us demonizes it so hard, I feel I need to provide balance.
The thing is, it's so incredibly damaging, and to suggest your sexual urges, the ones you were born with and are a part of your survival, I might add, need to be medicated is borderline abusive. If Mormon therapists or clergy are suggesting men go on SSRIs or other medications for the sole purpose of eradicating their sex drive, then they're in for some serious legal issues. First of all, the (negative) sexual side effects of medications such as SSRIs, SNRIs and others can be permanent. Long-term use of these medications was never, ever supposed to happen. When something becomes permanent, it's called "brain damage."
Other serious side effects that can be permanent? Suicide and neurological movement disorders to name a few. Bottom line, it's an angle I'd never seen before until reading your story. The fact so many members of the church take these medications to "treat" emotional pain and now, wow sex addiction? So how is medicating your sex drive different than drinking alcohol to calm down? Because an authority figure (doctors/bishops) from the accepted wisdom (the medical field/the Church) prescribes (reveals) it? No wonder Mormons are such good, obedient patients. No wine if you're anxious, but pop some brain candy via Dr. Benzo and you'll be just fine. Wow.
Newsflash, drinking an occasional glass of wine is better for you than taking neuroleptic medications for emotional pain. Surprisingly, tobacco and nicotine have untapped therapeutic value to treat some of the acute stages of these issues caused by medications, but because they're "bad" and "naughty" they aren't even explored.
As for me, I left back in the late 1990s and I thank so many men, "leaders" in the Church for failing me--spectacularly--again and again so that I could finally be free. Specifically an MSW who handed me Prozac--I kid you not--from his desk drawer and told me to take it a week before my period. Yes, PMS was making my abusive husband terrorize me.
I think it's morally abhorrent for the Church to provide mental health services to members. The agenda of the therapist is to treat the patient and help him find his way to his own conclusions and ways to heal. That agenda should have no rapport with any religious expectations and the conflict of interest is so flagrant, I'm appalled. Suggesting or prescribing medication to remove someone's sex drive is a crime against humanity, and I hope ANYONE who has been harmed this way exposes the person or people responsible for it.
Sorry to go on the medication rant, but it's kind of my thing when I'm not writing "naughty" poetry (cough cough) and literary novels. You gave me another angle that's once again, proof positive that human beings will do anything to maintain their worldview and/or livelihoods, no matter who they destroy in the process .
Keep on writing RPJ. This is good stuff.
